i don't know

I have found that life currently is the most unexciting thing. 

There are no unexpected events, no twists, nothing. Just.. nothing.

I sit around my apartment in the morning, eat breakfast, shower, and get ready for the day. Two or Three days a week I get ready for work and go there for 8 hours and then I come home and my day is over. The rest of the days I don't really do anything. Mostly because I don't know what to do. There's nothing to keep me occupied. I am pretty sure that everyone else will have a way more exciting summer than I am.

late night carbs

I don't like the way I write.

I read other peoples blogs, and it's like their blogs have a purpose. They have them for a reason, and they write and I want to read it because it seem interesting. I don't see this like that. I don't know why I'm writing, or who I'm writing it for or ever what I want to be in it. No one even really knows that I have this silly thing. I put it on Twitter, but no one really knows that I have that either.

I have an audition for dance school in two weeks. I'm nervous and excited, naturally. It's a simple half hour ballet class, which to any dancer seems easy peasy lemon squeezy. But I'm actually a little terrified because I have no idea what level of ballet it will be, how she's going to teach it, if she'll just ask me to do stuff or if she'll show me first. If she just asks I met never get into this school because I'm terrible with my vocabulary. Maybe I should brush up on it over the next two weeks. I'm also in a crunch to get in shape but I'm terrible at working out.

I guess it's time to brush my teeth and go to bed.
Oh, and note to self; when your best friend says "you shouldn't have carbs this late" she's right.

an "i should be sleeping but i have things on my mind" blog

Well,
I have to get up early tomorrow morning as i'm going out for breakfast with my dearest friend. But I have some thoughts swimming around in my brain right now, and I need to get them out before I sleep.

First off, I have finally applied to school for dance. I'm beyond nervous about it. I watched the school that I applied to dance in a performance today and all I could think was, "holy crap, i'm definitely not that good." I mean, I guess I don't REALLY know how good I am because I can't watch myself. But I know what looks good, and I don't think what I'm doing is it. I don't know if these 13 years have done me any good.
It's hard for me to practice and i'm going to have to do an audition soon. It would be helpful to know what i'm actually supposed to do at the audition, and what kind of audition it is. Is it one on one? A group thing? I don't know. I'm also very out of shape, and I don't know if i'm going to have much time to get back into shape before the audition, because I dunno when it is.
Then what if I don't even get in? All I want to do is dance, I love it. I don't want to take another year off, it's such a waste of my time. I'm starting to get quite nervous.

Second, I am heading back to my apartment in the city (mmm, I like the way that phrase sounds) tomorrow. There is a part of me that is very anxious and excited to get back into my little place. Hopefully they painted it while I was gone because I really need that to be done so I can hang things on my walls and really get settled in.
There is also a part of me that gets quite homesick and lonely when I am there. I'm not sure what it is yet that makes me feel that way. It might simply be that I miss my mom when I'm there, because really I do miss her quite dearly. I've stayed with her this week while I am sick and I think that it has cured me much faster.
I also will have to go back to work. I work at a mens clothing store, which I worked at at home before it closed and I moved. But it's not the same in the city. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about my boss yet. He's not very good at explaining things, and some things are a lot different than they were at my old store. I just don't think I will love it the same way I loved it here. I think I would be much happier in a teenagers clothing store or something more my age... and gender. But what can I do now? I'm already hired and I would feel bad quitting for a reason like that.

Well I suppose that it's for now. I am feeling a little stressed, but a little less than when I started typing.

Sleep is upon me.

dreamz

I don't understand why my dreams are so vivid, and amazing. They're basically a movie. But when it comes to reality and I want to be creative and write or draw or do anything, i'm a blank slate.
I've tried writing down my dreams but of course I had a hard time keeping up with it. I don't feel like writing them first thing in the morning because i'm laaaaaaaaaaazy. So then I don't and then I forget them.

I'm going to try and remember this one and write it out in detail later today maybe I think.

12:47am

Well, go figure I guess. Haven't posted a thing since February 20. And there is absolutely no excuse, as I really have no life. Oh well. I don't think anyone read it anyways.

I've had a rough month. I'll start by telling you that i've had 7 kidney infections now since September. It's bizarre and the doctor doesn't seem to want to do anything real about it, so hopefully I will be going to see a specialist. I've had two in the past month.
I also got burned by a pot of boiling water falling on my chest. That was approx a month ago, im better now.
 I am just starting to get over strep throat.
It sucks. Mostly because I don't feel really sick or anything, I did at first but that was because I had a kidney infection too, but since I don't feel sick, it's not like I have any loss of appetite. It's impossible to eat anything because my throat kills. I've eaten very few solid foods in the past 5 days. My diet has consisted of water, penicillin, orange juice, popsicles, the occasional piece of plain white bread and today i had mashed up boiled eggs, I was feeling outgoing. I feel quite weak, malnourished and am pretty much craving absolutely everything. Especially pizza.

I don't usually ramble that much about life, but if anyone reads this, I figure I should update them.
I think I will re-arrange my blog a little. I don't have any writings to insert today, sorry friends.