an "i should be sleeping but i have things on my mind" blog

Well,
I have to get up early tomorrow morning as i'm going out for breakfast with my dearest friend. But I have some thoughts swimming around in my brain right now, and I need to get them out before I sleep.

First off, I have finally applied to school for dance. I'm beyond nervous about it. I watched the school that I applied to dance in a performance today and all I could think was, "holy crap, i'm definitely not that good." I mean, I guess I don't REALLY know how good I am because I can't watch myself. But I know what looks good, and I don't think what I'm doing is it. I don't know if these 13 years have done me any good.
It's hard for me to practice and i'm going to have to do an audition soon. It would be helpful to know what i'm actually supposed to do at the audition, and what kind of audition it is. Is it one on one? A group thing? I don't know. I'm also very out of shape, and I don't know if i'm going to have much time to get back into shape before the audition, because I dunno when it is.
Then what if I don't even get in? All I want to do is dance, I love it. I don't want to take another year off, it's such a waste of my time. I'm starting to get quite nervous.

Second, I am heading back to my apartment in the city (mmm, I like the way that phrase sounds) tomorrow. There is a part of me that is very anxious and excited to get back into my little place. Hopefully they painted it while I was gone because I really need that to be done so I can hang things on my walls and really get settled in.
There is also a part of me that gets quite homesick and lonely when I am there. I'm not sure what it is yet that makes me feel that way. It might simply be that I miss my mom when I'm there, because really I do miss her quite dearly. I've stayed with her this week while I am sick and I think that it has cured me much faster.
I also will have to go back to work. I work at a mens clothing store, which I worked at at home before it closed and I moved. But it's not the same in the city. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about my boss yet. He's not very good at explaining things, and some things are a lot different than they were at my old store. I just don't think I will love it the same way I loved it here. I think I would be much happier in a teenagers clothing store or something more my age... and gender. But what can I do now? I'm already hired and I would feel bad quitting for a reason like that.

Well I suppose that it's for now. I am feeling a little stressed, but a little less than when I started typing.

Sleep is upon me.