Changes

Of course,

Almost two months have passed and I haven't written a thing. It's terrible, really it is. I'm so bad at keeping up with this shit.

Well my dearest readers (if there are any of you lurking out there), so many things have changed since my last post. I'm in school, I'm single, I cut off all my hair. Mostly just those three things are what have changed, but those are three really big things.

I'm so excited to be in school. It's really really tough, but I'm loving it. I think i'm going to go to Ryerson when I'm done here. I think that's my official plan. I'm gonna study Theatre Dance, because that's what I really love. Maybe I'll minor in Psychology, because sometimes I feel like that's what I should be doing. Maybe someday I'll do both. Dance Therapy? Who knows.

Being single kind of sucks, and I don't really enjoy it most of the time. There are times that I'm kind of happy about it, it's nice to be ''free'' in a sense, and not have to worry about someone else. And most of the time now I'm just too busy to even have a boyfriend. When you go to school 7 days a week, there isn't much time for anyone else. I mean, you have to make time for yourself, time to work, time to keep in touch with family, time to have friends. I don't even have time for all of those things, I guess I don't have time for a boyfriend anyways. Although, I do miss cuddling, and having someone to do things with when I want to do things, and someone to tell things to when there's no one else to tell. I just keep it to myself now.

I miss my hair.

Sometimes I like to lurk in my apartment window and look into my neighbors windows. That sounds really really creepy, but I don't do it in a creepy way. I just wonder what their lives are like, what their deal is.
Sometimes I like to make up stories, maybe I'll write a book (probablynot)

Well, I guess that's all for now. Maybe I'll start finding some time late at night to do this.

Sigh.

Heartbreak

There is SO much love in this world, and too much of it is wasted and destroyed.

I can't believe what happened and I don't know if it will ever leave my brain. I hate that the circumstances gave me no choice what-so-ever.

This sucks.

Toddlers and Tiaras

So, I’m sitting in my bed watching Toddlers and Tiaras, It’s the most ridiculous shit of all time, but whatever.

ANYWAYS, so there’s this little girl who says: “Someday I want to be on the American Olympic gymnastics team.” And I’m all like, you go girl that’s fucking awesome. BUT her mother says: “I don’t think that gymnastics and pageants really go together because her muscles were starting to develop and there were things she couldn’t do. So we’re taking a break from gymnastics and now her body is ‘back to normal’.”

:| WHAT.THA.FUCK.

I have never been more angry at a TV show in my life. “This is my daughter and I’m just going to go ahead and deprive her of her dreams.” Shameful, so fucking shameful.

 

it's hard to get any work done around here when my boss is so snuggly.

I am doing my best to keep this thing goin' strong. So far I think i'm doing pretty good since it's only been like, two days since I posted something (I lied it's been like 5 days). I don't really have much to write about but I figure if I just jump on here something will come to mind.

Today I sat in the park by a pond and read my book. I got kicked off the grass by this pond. (Which I think is really dumb because people should be allowed to sit on the grass in public parks.) I've also been sitting in that exact spot every other day for like two weeks, and no one had said anything to me until today. It was really nice because I liked being right by that little pond with the ducks. Guess I have to find a new place to read my books in the sun.
I was also hit on by some foreign fellow on the street. He was like.. 15. It was creepy and I didn't like it. So I gave him a sassy look and walked away. I hope he got the point that he's a creepy little weirdo and to not try to pick up women on the street.

My boyfriend came home from Cape Breton the other day. I am glad he's home. <3

I have nothing else to say. Nothing has really happened to me lately.

I can't wait to dance again.

Mornings

I mostly like to write things in the morning, because I think that's when my thoughts are more organic. Not tainted by the events of the day. Not leaning one way or the other. And you can write about yesterday after you've had time to reflect on it. But maybe I should want to write about today's events while they're still fresh in my mind? I dunno. I'm dumb.

I was at a concert the other night. There were three bands. The first band to go on stage was called "Oh No, Theodore." They were really amazing and I wish I had of had money to buy one of their CD's. Anyways, They were really refreshing to watch play. There were 6 of them on this little elementary school gym stage, but honestly the stage didn't seem crowded like it sometimes does. They looked like they just fit up there perfectly together. They were so in tune with each other and it was so nice, it didn't seem like a job at all; which i'm sure it never feels like. I couldn't stop watching their cello player (yeah, they had a cello player, and a violinist). While everyone was rockin' out, he was sitting in his chair, playing his cello, and his face was so peaceful. He was so into it, as was everyone else, but it was in such a different way than everyone else. I loved it.

I sat and listened to two men who were busking on the street today. One was playing a drum like thing, the other a guitar and a harmonica simultaneously. I sat for a while and thoroughly enjoyed their music. I then threw them the change that I had bulking up my purse and left. I got on the bus and thought about how people like that, who can play such good music, are so ignored. And I sit here hearing all these little pop stars who are making millions, when there are these two guys on the street playing some of the best shit I've heard all day. It's a shame.

Anyways, I then came home and played my own guitar. A day for music I suppose.

anchored

I miss him,
his smile
his voice
his hugs
his kisses
his body.


I want my face to hurt from smiling again.

There's something defeating about feeling like you aren't a part of someones life as much as you wish you were.

I wish I didn't know that feeling.