And we're back.

Well it's been about a month since I've written a post, which isn't too bad for me. Usually I would just let this thing disintegrate for 8 months or so then come back to it. But I'm doing my best.

It's been a pretty lame month. I moved home and I've basically sat around doing absolutely nothing all the time. It's really sad and I hate it. But I have a job interview on Friday and I'm really excited and I hope I finally get a job.

I adventured to Wolfville this weekend for St Patricks day. It was an amazingly wonderful weekend and I'm so excited to be going back there in the fall. Hopefully all works out well this time. I've been feeling pretty down lately, so having a nice weekend away with some fun and amazing people was really good. It reminded me that I have a lot to be happy about. Those people mean the world to me.

Jeff and I went for a lovely walk in the park this evening. And by lovely I mean it was fairly warm and we talked about Star Wars the whole time.

Sorry that this post was so lame and that you wasted the time to read it. I didn't really have anything to say, I just wanted to get back into the swing of it.

Will you remember me in ten years? Will I remember you?

There are already so many people who's names I just can't remember sometimes. Just, people I knew in school who I've just forgotten completely. And when I think about it, it feels like this moment and all the things that are happening, and all the people I'm associated with right now, it all feels like the most important stuff in the world. But it's not at all. Because I'm probably not going to talk to most of you in ten years time. I'll have forgotten some of your names. And most of you will have forgotten about me.

I like to think that I know there are at least a few people who I know will always be a part of my life, but there's also a chance that they wont be there forever. Simply because things change, and people go their separate ways. It's not on purpose, it just happens and theirs nothing you can do about it.

The other side of that, is the part that sucks. When people walk out on purpose, and you don't want them to. But it happens, and you can try to hold on to all the little things all you want, but if they really want to go, then they're going to go. And even after they're gone you can try to hold on to the memories and all the things that you think are so important, but eventually they'll fade and you'll get over it. And that is sad to think about.

Sleepyhead

I rarely go into writing a blog post with anything planned to say. I never feel like there's anything relevant on my mind.

I'm really stressed out lately. Well.. just over the past like.. 3 days. I'm already finding moving home hard to cope with. A lot has been going on, not things that I tell anyone about, but just stuff. And I'm losing a friend that I hold very dear, and that sucks. Things that are making it just difficult to be content day to day and to keep my mind on track and somewhat focused on anything. Wow, what a confusing paragraph. That probably only makes sense to me. But that is okay.

I went to a dance class today and I was so happy I did. I'm going to start going as often as possible. Like, at least once a week I hope. It's one thing that really does help me focus, and gives me a few hours of not thinking about anything but the way that my body is moving and how my muscles are working. I like that. And it's always been that way, ever since I can remember. I can recall being in junior high and thinking that exact same thought. I need to make a promise to myself to never ever stop dancing.

My teacher told me today that my arabesque looked lovely, and solid. (for those of you who don't know what arabesque is http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arabesque_(ballet_position) ) Which was so nice. I haven't taken a dance class since October, but even still, the things that I learned in August and September are still there, and I feel like I can still improve, which is great. Even though dancing turned out to not be something I want as a career, it's still my all time favorite pastime.

I feel like sometimes I need a motivator. Like, I would go to more dance classes, and do a lot of other things, if I had someone to motivate me to do it. Which is kind of sad, because I want to be able to motivate myself in that way. I just find it very difficult. I'm gonna work on that.

Today someone called me naturally pretty and awkwardly charming. I think that's the nicest thing I've ever been told by anyone ever. It's even better than having a solid arabesque. I don't know if that person realizes how much that meant to me. I don't know if they read this, but I guess if they do, now they know.

Well, I'm gonna go play some Zelda.

Goodnight.

Somebody That I Used To Know

I can never stop listening to that song. It used to come on at work all the time and it is always stuck in my head.

I've noticed that my page views are going up on my blog. Which is kind of nice but kind of frightening as well. But to those of you reading this. Hi, I'm glad you're here.

I spent all day today cleaning and organizing my room. It was insanely productive and I'm glad I got so much done. I even started to unpack a little bit. Having all this done has made moving home feel slightly more real. But I still don't feel like I live here.

Aside from feeling decent about that, I'm actually in a fucking terrible mood. The only thing keeping me mildly happy/entertained at this point is two of my friends having a weird ass conversation on Twitter. I just feel fucking useless to everyone and everything. I guess I always feel that way, but especially right now.

Sometimes I think that I like being sad more than I like being happy. I feel like if I really wanted to, I could be happy. There's really nothing wrong with my life, but I always seem to be down instead of up, even when things are really good. Whatever. I try to constantly remind myself that happiness is nothing but an emotion. Just like every other emotion, it comes and goes. It's not a destination, you wont always be happy. You'll be sad, you'll be angry, you'll be jealous and that's okay. Because that's life and that's the way you're built. You have to accept your sadness, anger, and jealousy with open arms just as you accept your happiness. But sometimes it's hard.

I'm gonna go drop off resumes and buy candles tomorrow. My dad is leaving on his first trip tomorrow to the states, I am excited for him, and proud of him. But I'm scared. Big trucks scare me. He's a badass though, so he'll probably be alright.

Well, that's all for tonight I guess.

--

And I was sinking,
Slowly
Sinking.
Until your hands found me,
Lying in the grass.
Lying in the sun.
Lying in the moonlight.

My head falls through your shoulder,
And I'm trying to pick it up.

--

Self-pity

Well, I am all moved back home. And again, everyone I know is out partying and I am home laying in bed. Why is that might you ask? Well, because after being up at 8am and spending my whole day stressed out and lifting and moving around heavy objects, my neck has seized up and I can barely move. So, that's really awesome.

It's a pretty unexpected treat, that's for sure. I thought I was going to come home and get everything organized and I would be super content, but it's pretty much the opposite. I'm pretty pissed off at this point. And me neck and shoulders hurt like a mother fucker. SO I'm laying in bed, with the magic bag wrapped around my neck, and have been watching tv and catching up on some shows.

I've decided it's a lot easier to watch Glee now, if I skip through the songs. Which is funny because that used to be the parts that I liked more. It's not that I'm even very concerned with it, but I've watched it since the beginning so I feel like I just need to keep watching it for some stupid reason. It's like i've got a connection to the characters now and I want to know what happens to them.

My life feels like a fucking mess. I feel like I have a lack of friends, mostly because I do. Good ones anyway. I literally just moved me entire life for the millionth time in the past two years and I'm just so unorganized and it is frustrating. I really wanted to get my shit together tonight. But I guess it'll have to wait. I wish I was a wizard so I could just snap my fingers and have everything unpacked and away. That'd be pretty damn ideal.

Well, I am officially falling asleep as I write this. Time to turn on some Star Wars and ptfo.

I miss my boyfriend. (sappy)

May the force be with you, always.

Well, I am pleased to say I watched all of the Star Wars films over the last week and a half and I am ADDICTED. Jeff and I watched the original trilogy, spread over about a week, and then watch the prequel trilogy over the past three days. And let me tell you, it's so true that the originals are SO much better. But then watching the prequel trilogy really made me want to watch the originals again, so I downloaded them and am going to do so after I finish this post.

I always thought I would hate Star Wars, I just didn't think it would be interesting. But I was soooo wrong. Even though the prequels suck, I think they are still an important part. Because after watching the originals, I wanted to know everything, even though I knew they wouldn't be as good. I hated the excessive use of CGI and the lack of costumes. I mean, even Yoda was CGI in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Like, come on guys. It's Yoda. I felt like it took away from his persona. It probably made it easier for them to do his badass lightsaber duels though. Fucking badass.

Honestly though, they are the best movies i've ever seen. Definitely at the top of my list. If you've never watched them, I highly recommend you do. Even if you think you'll hate it, you probably wont. Seriously though, I wanna be a jedi, hello halloween costume.

I also watched the first 3 episodes of "The River" which were pretty good. There were times where I went, wow that's stupid, but overall I enjoyed it and I'll probably continue to watch it.

On a completely different note, I'm moving tomorrow. I did pretty much all my packing today because I spent 3 days at Jeffs instead of getting anything done. I'm ok with that decision. It's not like I have a lot of stuff or that it's hard to pack, I just get distracted by anything so easily. I'm pretty sure I have slight ADD, but that is the least of my worries.

I'm pretty excited to move. Most of the time I feel like it's going to really great and a lot of fun, but then other times I'm like.. what if it just sucks for the next 6 and a half months? Like, what if the people who say they want to hang out with me, actually don't, or decide they don't want to? I dunno, I'm probably just paranoid. But, finding a job is gonna suck, hopefully it doesn't take me forever, which it probably will.

I'm definitely going to miss living here, everything is so handy and convenient and I like being on my own sometimes, but I get lonely.

Anyhow, I'm off to watch some Star Wars, eat some toaster strudles and/or pizza pockets, have a few drinks. and relax on my last night in my little apartment.

May the force be with you

Long time no see

Well, here I am, back again. Of course I have bailed on this blog for the millionth time since I started it. But no one reads it so I don't really feel too concerned.

First thing i'd like to mention, my last post on here is great and you should read it. I don't usually like the stuff I write, but that shit was genius and it'll probably make you feel better.

Second, I'm moving in about 5 days and I haven't started packing a single thing and this apartment is a fucking mess. Although I am excited to be moving home and not have to worry about paying bills, and to see my friends, I am going to miss the city. I know I can come visit and that it's really not that far, but it's been nice being on my own, even if it gets lonely sometimes. I will also miss my boyfriend Jeff desperately. I could spend so much time with him and just not give a fuck.

And third, Acadia again in the fall. I am excited, happy, nervous and scared all at once. Please just let me succeed this time.