I can never stop listening to that song. It used to come on at work all the time and it is always stuck in my head.
I've noticed that my page views are going up on my blog. Which is kind of nice but kind of frightening as well. But to those of you reading this. Hi, I'm glad you're here.
I spent all day today cleaning and organizing my room. It was insanely productive and I'm glad I got so much done. I even started to unpack a little bit. Having all this done has made moving home feel slightly more real. But I still don't feel like I live here.
Aside from feeling decent about that, I'm actually in a fucking terrible mood. The only thing keeping me mildly happy/entertained at this point is two of my friends having a weird ass conversation on Twitter. I just feel fucking useless to everyone and everything. I guess I always feel that way, but especially right now.
Sometimes I think that I like being sad more than I like being happy. I feel like if I really wanted to, I could be happy. There's really nothing wrong with my life, but I always seem to be down instead of up, even when things are really good. Whatever. I try to constantly remind myself that happiness is nothing but an emotion. Just like every other emotion, it comes and goes. It's not a destination, you wont always be happy. You'll be sad, you'll be angry, you'll be jealous and that's okay. Because that's life and that's the way you're built. You have to accept your sadness, anger, and jealousy with open arms just as you accept your happiness. But sometimes it's hard.
I'm gonna go drop off resumes and buy candles tomorrow. My dad is leaving on his first trip tomorrow to the states, I am excited for him, and proud of him. But I'm scared. Big trucks scare me. He's a badass though, so he'll probably be alright.
Well, that's all for tonight I guess.
--
And I was sinking,
Slowly
Sinking.
Until your hands found me,
Lying in the grass.
Lying in the sun.
Lying in the moonlight.
My head falls through your shoulder,
And I'm trying to pick it up.
--
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