Somebody That I Used To Know

I can never stop listening to that song. It used to come on at work all the time and it is always stuck in my head.

I've noticed that my page views are going up on my blog. Which is kind of nice but kind of frightening as well. But to those of you reading this. Hi, I'm glad you're here.

I spent all day today cleaning and organizing my room. It was insanely productive and I'm glad I got so much done. I even started to unpack a little bit. Having all this done has made moving home feel slightly more real. But I still don't feel like I live here.

Aside from feeling decent about that, I'm actually in a fucking terrible mood. The only thing keeping me mildly happy/entertained at this point is two of my friends having a weird ass conversation on Twitter. I just feel fucking useless to everyone and everything. I guess I always feel that way, but especially right now.

Sometimes I think that I like being sad more than I like being happy. I feel like if I really wanted to, I could be happy. There's really nothing wrong with my life, but I always seem to be down instead of up, even when things are really good. Whatever. I try to constantly remind myself that happiness is nothing but an emotion. Just like every other emotion, it comes and goes. It's not a destination, you wont always be happy. You'll be sad, you'll be angry, you'll be jealous and that's okay. Because that's life and that's the way you're built. You have to accept your sadness, anger, and jealousy with open arms just as you accept your happiness. But sometimes it's hard.

I'm gonna go drop off resumes and buy candles tomorrow. My dad is leaving on his first trip tomorrow to the states, I am excited for him, and proud of him. But I'm scared. Big trucks scare me. He's a badass though, so he'll probably be alright.

Well, that's all for tonight I guess.

--

And I was sinking,
Slowly
Sinking.
Until your hands found me,
Lying in the grass.
Lying in the sun.
Lying in the moonlight.

My head falls through your shoulder,
And I'm trying to pick it up.

--

Self-pity

Well, I am all moved back home. And again, everyone I know is out partying and I am home laying in bed. Why is that might you ask? Well, because after being up at 8am and spending my whole day stressed out and lifting and moving around heavy objects, my neck has seized up and I can barely move. So, that's really awesome.

It's a pretty unexpected treat, that's for sure. I thought I was going to come home and get everything organized and I would be super content, but it's pretty much the opposite. I'm pretty pissed off at this point. And me neck and shoulders hurt like a mother fucker. SO I'm laying in bed, with the magic bag wrapped around my neck, and have been watching tv and catching up on some shows.

I've decided it's a lot easier to watch Glee now, if I skip through the songs. Which is funny because that used to be the parts that I liked more. It's not that I'm even very concerned with it, but I've watched it since the beginning so I feel like I just need to keep watching it for some stupid reason. It's like i've got a connection to the characters now and I want to know what happens to them.

My life feels like a fucking mess. I feel like I have a lack of friends, mostly because I do. Good ones anyway. I literally just moved me entire life for the millionth time in the past two years and I'm just so unorganized and it is frustrating. I really wanted to get my shit together tonight. But I guess it'll have to wait. I wish I was a wizard so I could just snap my fingers and have everything unpacked and away. That'd be pretty damn ideal.

Well, I am officially falling asleep as I write this. Time to turn on some Star Wars and ptfo.

I miss my boyfriend. (sappy)

May the force be with you, always.

Well, I am pleased to say I watched all of the Star Wars films over the last week and a half and I am ADDICTED. Jeff and I watched the original trilogy, spread over about a week, and then watch the prequel trilogy over the past three days. And let me tell you, it's so true that the originals are SO much better. But then watching the prequel trilogy really made me want to watch the originals again, so I downloaded them and am going to do so after I finish this post.

I always thought I would hate Star Wars, I just didn't think it would be interesting. But I was soooo wrong. Even though the prequels suck, I think they are still an important part. Because after watching the originals, I wanted to know everything, even though I knew they wouldn't be as good. I hated the excessive use of CGI and the lack of costumes. I mean, even Yoda was CGI in Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. Like, come on guys. It's Yoda. I felt like it took away from his persona. It probably made it easier for them to do his badass lightsaber duels though. Fucking badass.

Honestly though, they are the best movies i've ever seen. Definitely at the top of my list. If you've never watched them, I highly recommend you do. Even if you think you'll hate it, you probably wont. Seriously though, I wanna be a jedi, hello halloween costume.

I also watched the first 3 episodes of "The River" which were pretty good. There were times where I went, wow that's stupid, but overall I enjoyed it and I'll probably continue to watch it.

On a completely different note, I'm moving tomorrow. I did pretty much all my packing today because I spent 3 days at Jeffs instead of getting anything done. I'm ok with that decision. It's not like I have a lot of stuff or that it's hard to pack, I just get distracted by anything so easily. I'm pretty sure I have slight ADD, but that is the least of my worries.

I'm pretty excited to move. Most of the time I feel like it's going to really great and a lot of fun, but then other times I'm like.. what if it just sucks for the next 6 and a half months? Like, what if the people who say they want to hang out with me, actually don't, or decide they don't want to? I dunno, I'm probably just paranoid. But, finding a job is gonna suck, hopefully it doesn't take me forever, which it probably will.

I'm definitely going to miss living here, everything is so handy and convenient and I like being on my own sometimes, but I get lonely.

Anyhow, I'm off to watch some Star Wars, eat some toaster strudles and/or pizza pockets, have a few drinks. and relax on my last night in my little apartment.

May the force be with you

Long time no see

Well, here I am, back again. Of course I have bailed on this blog for the millionth time since I started it. But no one reads it so I don't really feel too concerned.

First thing i'd like to mention, my last post on here is great and you should read it. I don't usually like the stuff I write, but that shit was genius and it'll probably make you feel better.

Second, I'm moving in about 5 days and I haven't started packing a single thing and this apartment is a fucking mess. Although I am excited to be moving home and not have to worry about paying bills, and to see my friends, I am going to miss the city. I know I can come visit and that it's really not that far, but it's been nice being on my own, even if it gets lonely sometimes. I will also miss my boyfriend Jeff desperately. I could spend so much time with him and just not give a fuck.

And third, Acadia again in the fall. I am excited, happy, nervous and scared all at once. Please just let me succeed this time.

The rain rain rain came down down down

I can't help but just lay in my bed and smile, when it's dark out and all I can hear is the rain falling right outside my window.

Maybe sometimes I don't appreciate things like this as much as I should. Sometimes we all get so bogged down with school, or work, or other issues going on in our lives, that we just completely forget about these simple things that are so awesome. We get so stressed about things like money, being accepted, relationships, jobs, and all the little things in life that we forget really are just little things. And there are so many of these little things that make up our lives that it's okay sometimes if we mess up. I mean life goes on, and it gets better. It gets better if you let it get better. But we forget that, and alot of the time, every tiny mistake feels like a really big mistake.

Anyways, I'm off to bed.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/l0i7JU9SijE?rel=0

Acadia, AFV, and other things.

I have been cursed with the inability to go to bed before about 2am.
And it's not that I haven't tried to go to bed earlier, because I have. Maybe I need to start waking up earlier even when I don't have to, because sleeping in until 11 or 12 probably isn't helping. Being on the computer probably isn't helping much either.
ohwell..

I miss being at Acadia. I love it there. I can't wait to go back (10daaaaaaaysfckyeah). It's going to be the best ever.

I'm so lonely right now. I never do anything. I go to school. I work one day a week. And all the other time I just sit in my apartment doing absolutely nothing. I need to get out more.

AFV is pretty damn entertaining though. A guy just put on a shock collar and he's testing to see if he can handle the 6 levels of it. Why? WHY?! I just don't get it. That has got to be one of the absolute, stupidest things i've ever witnessed. Like, it's causing him so much pain, but he's just leaving it on ther and keeps going.

I'm bitter tonight.

nonsense

Well, it's 3:16am. I should be sleeping because I have to deal with small children tomorrow and this late night isn't going to help. My sleep schedule is all messed up lately. I just can't go to bed at a decent hour. Oh well.

So I don't really have much to say, except that it's been a lame night. I just figure, even if I don't have anything to write, if I just make a habit of it anyways, I'll just keep doing it.

My Winnie The Pooh VHS doesn't work anymore and I'm damn upset about it.

Fuck.